The List: My Requirements In A Husband

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

photo courtesy of jcreationzs

I got this idea from my sister and I think either Lindsey or Bonnie meant to write about it long ago. I thought it would better if I did it anyway as I am the single one among the three of us. I've never done anything like this before, but after a conversation I had with one of my friends last night, I thought I'd give it a shot. Here is my high list of requirements a man must fulfill in order for me to marry him, not really in a particular order.

I: Thou shalt beith independent
This means so many things, but I only take it in the most basic sense. He must be independent from his family. I don't mean he should be estranged from his family. I only mean that he shouldn't live at home or need to call his parents or siblings for every decision in life. He should only need to confer with them for the big choices. He must also be independent from his friends. Again, not saying he shouldn't be close, but he needs to be strong enough not to have to act a certain way with them or be intimidated to differ from them about anything, which also means he shouldn't be afraid to say what he thinks. Lastly, he must also be independent of me, to an extent. I am the last person in the world that can handle someone being dependent upon me. One guy tried it once, and he learned very quickly how I couldn't bear a weak or needy guy. Basically, he should just stand on his own two feet and act the same around his friends, family and me. This is critical as we are the people he's closest to in his entire life. Call me crazy, but I thought this one of the most defining traits of men in general. In LA, I've discovered this is not the case, and I can't say enough how disappointing it is to me.

II: Thou shalt beith intelligent
This is a given, but if I'm going to marry someone, I'm going to marry my equal. I couldn't last with someone less intellectual than I am for a day, or I should say he couldn't last with me. I can be friends with people less intelligent, but marriage is combining with the other perfect half that fits you. We can have intelligence in different areas and our brains may function differently, but we need to be able to keep up with each other or it will just feel like a school counselor with a one-child remedial class, and no relationship like that can last.

III: Thou shalt havith ambition
Going back to the man-child discussed in requisite #1, my husband must break away from the teenage tendency to not want to do anything, usually because he has not outgrown that phase, which is probably because his parents didn't really help in this department. I'm not demanding that he aim for an executive position in some office occupation or start his own business, but he must have something driving him toward something good. He doesn't have to have a college degree or be after making as much money as possible, but I don't want to date a guy whose ambition is trying to make store manager. I don't like that guy for several reasons. I'd be happy with him earning a low or decent wage at a non-profit organization or as a teacher or numerous other things as long as he's not, pardon me for lack of a better word, a tool, and is happy doing something not only for his own gain, but for the better. This could mean working at an ordinary job and using time and money for this true passion, but no matter what, he is pursuing it.

IV: Thou shalt be funny
I can't be close to someone that doesn't have a sense of humor. I think most people feel that way. There's no joy in that and it's too difficult for me not to make fun of things. If he can make me laugh, I'll never get sick of him.

V: Thou shalt not called after my brethren
I don't think this crosses many people's minds, but I just can't fathom dating anyone with the same name as my brothers. It's too weird. It's weird just meeting someone that can be considered attractive that has their names. It makes me shutter. There are boundaries you just don't cross. Luckily, one brother is named after my dad, so there are only two names for me to avoid. Sadly though, they have the common names of Jake and Tim.

VI: Thou shalt love all animals
I love animals, probably because I grew up with so many. But, I also grew up with a dad that didn't really like them. So, I've seen what life can be like with someone that's not an animal lover. I think most guys do love animals, though. I mean, most single guys that live by themselves have a dog.....or a cat, because they need some constant companionship. Basically, I'm always going to have animals, so he needs to want this, too.

VII: Thou shalt not beith a homebody
Someone that sees this is going to know exactly what I'm talking about ;-) That's a little bit where I got it from, but not entirely. I like to hang out at home, but when I can, I generally like to do things. I don't look at leaving the house as 'only if I have to' or 'there's something I really, really want', unlike some people. I come and go freely not thinking 'gee, now that I'm doing this, I don't get to lounge at home'. Plus, I love to travel. He must be wanting to venture places,because it is quickly becoming my favorite thing. I've done study abroad programs in Europe the last two summers and I plan on going back again with a friend this summer. Plus, I have friends wanting to visit LA for the first time and I have a few other trips planned as well. He must be up for these things. This could mean going to San Diego, New York or Dublin, or having fun showing people around town here. For our traveling, I'll negotiate when and where, but he cannot be wanting to be at home and definitely not whining about it. If you're lucky enough to travel, you better be happy.

VIII: Thou shalt be able to dress thyself
Maybe I should have one of these requirements to be mature, but I think it's too broad. One thing that bothers me is guys that can't dress themselves properly. It's as if they have no idea what matches or any clue as to what style they're attempting. They may also wear the same thing over and over. Sometimes they literally wear the same articles of clothing over and over until they have to wash it. Basically, they look like a giant thirteen year old, completely awkward and unaware of what they are doing wrong. Yes, this can be remedied, but it's more difficult than it sounds. You don't want him to just follow fads or look like someone that he's not, because that could end in Ed Hardy, neon colors or an attempt at a J Crew ad. It would just be easier if he already had this figured out, but if not, he must be willing to change his wardrobe.

IX: Thou shalt not want to livith in thy city permanently
I am originally from just outside Chicago, but I grew up mostly in Colorado. I spent the majority of my adolescent years in a tiny mountain town, and I loved it. Yes, there wasn't much to do, but we made our own fun. And after hearing stories from my friends who have grown up in LA, I now have no doubt I had more fun and overall better childhood. My husband must want to move to a small town, and before we're forty-five.

X: Thou shalt beith easy-going
I'm a very laid back person and I don't think the notion of opposites attract applies to me. I can't handle those who are high-strung, self-centered or anyone that is polarizing in any way for long periods of time, because at some point I will put them in line possibly causing them to have some sort of rude awakening, panic attack or just simply cause them to hate me. I also have qualms with people that complain constantly out of habit. Besides, as a man, I think you should be in control of yourself in this capacity.

XI: Thou shalt not playith video games often
I think this also goes along with maturity. I generally hate video games. There are some exceptions such as Mario Kart, 007, Paper Mario and Wii Sports. These are mostly short games where you play against other people as just one way to have some fun. This does not entail playing them everyday in three to eleven hours stints. I can't have a serious relationship with anyone who has video games as priority in life.

XII: Thou shalt beith handy
Part of being a man is the ability to take care of his home. I'm not saying he has to be an expert and be able to fix anything that breaks, but he needs to be able to do basic things such as changing car oil, laying kitchen tile or stopping a roof from leaking. I just can't see a guy as manly if he can't put together patio furniture or is lacking fundamental knowledge of tools.

XIII: Thou shalt beith a Christian
I'm saying for the sake of my family. Just kidding. For obvious reasons, it's what I know is right and if we match on this, we will match on every important level.

I'd like to think that the list is not too demanding, yet weeds out some prospects. The great thing is now I have something to direct a guy to for future reference rather than having to explain this time and time again ;-)


Lindsey said...

And you will also have a reference point for yourself! When you meet a guy you think you are interested in, think back to your criteria and see if he matches up! This doesn't mean he has to hit every check on your list, but by making this list YOU will know what you're looking for.

It worked for me! (But I forgot to ad No Homebody and No Video Games to mine......)

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